Self Discovery Mission

Hello people!
I'm not in the most comfortable mood right now.
In fact, I have this swollen gum at the back of my mouth.
Somewhere around the last tooth T.T
AND IT JUST STARTED BLEEDING T.T
Anyone experienced this before? Help me.
It hurts too. =/

Anyway,
Refer to the title of my post.
Yes that's right,
I'm embarking on a mission.

Event:
Carmen's Self-Discovery Mission

Participants:
Everyone who reads this blog on purpose or stumbled upon it. Please participate if and only if you know me. Not necessarily personally, but you have heard of me before or seen me before, at the very least. Cause I can't have people who don't know me do this.

Purpose of this:
Well, Carmen is a tad bit blur about herself. She just wants to know herself in the perspective of others, ie. what other people think of her. By the end of this whole mission, she hopes to get to know herself better, keep up her good features and fix her flaws (hope there's not too many though =.= )

How is this Going to Work:
Basically, Carmen is going to put up a new poll at the side of this blog every two weeks or so and pose a question. You guys just have to look at the question, evaluate her and vote. This is where the 'must at least seen or heard of me' part comes in. Carmen can't possibly have you judge her if you don't know her right!

A Few Gentle Reminders:
Carmen would really, reaaalllly appreciate every honest answer. Don't lah purposely click some other stupid answer just because you hate her or something okay! T.T

For example,

'Is Carmen a vegetable?'
Don't lah click YES.




T____T Unless you really think I'm a vegetable.

But anyway, this whole mission is suppose to help me improve myself as an individual, as a team player, as a partner, as a daughter, as a sister, as a classmate, as a debater, as an Interactor... You get the drill. So please, answer truthfully and nothing else but the truth.

How Long is This Going To Last?
Well, I hope to achieve all the answers I want to get by the end of this year. At the end of this year, I'll compile all the questions I've asked and see how I fare.

So, deal? Do me a favour and collect karma? =)

Now, first question.
Quite infamous one.

'IS CARMEN A BIMBO?'

Note the question properly okay. I asked, am I a bimbo? Not 'do I look like a bimbo?' As in, do I really act like one, sound like one? Just because I look bimbo doesn't mean I am one, so there's a clear difference between those two.

For those that still don't know whats a bimbo... I am too lazy to explain so click here.

Get your definitions clear first okay!

Thank you very much for your kind attention, you will be blessed with happiness and 7 kids for voting on the right side of this blog. =D

Everybody Wants The Truth, But The Truth Isn't Even Real.

The only thing worse than;

a. Being born in a war-torn country
b. Being force fed vegetables for life
c. Being murdered with a chainsaw
d. NOT being murdered by the Yakuza
e. Being bedridden but unable to die
f. The feeling of breaking up
g. The feeling upon finding out the person you love cheated on you
h. Being raped
i. Recieving an accusation/insult
j. Not getting what I want (I AM spoilt after all)
k. Not standing up for myself
l. Losing friends
m. Losing tickets to a concert =____=
n. Getting disowned by my parents for getting bad results
o. Being broke and then seeing something I want to eat. T.T

... is having a mosquito bite.

... ON THE SOLE OF MY RIGHT FEET.

T____T

Side note for today:
I realise I am so capable of flinging all my emotions out when compromised, without a care in the world. Being a normal human, I'd blame this on something else but not myself. This time, I'll blame it on low emotional quotient. I'm sorry to Zean, Prashanth, David and all the affected rest of the lot.

I Want To Smell Like Roses, Not a Baseball Team

Hello!
Had a blast last night, and still having!
First and foremost, since I didn't do so during the actual date.

HAPPY SMASHIN' SWEET SEXY SIXTEEN KLOTHILDA LIM!

:D Oh man, it actually rhymes!
Awzumm.
Her gathering was no less awzumm too (:
Thanks for dinner, Klot.

Oh oh.
I figured an all time trick for lazy bummers like me already!
So if you're as lazy as me, ATTENTION OKAY.
Actually, its not my trick.
My friend who shall not be named taught me.

Very awzumm one ok.
Okay, don't freak out.
But I'm so lazy, I haven't washed my school shoes for at least,
2 to 3 months already?
At least 2 months.
I know =____________________=

So feel free to use your imagination.
Imagine how dirty my shoes are =D

I couldn't stand going to school another Monday with dirty school shoes again,
so I did the unthinkable.
The forbidden.
The deadly.
The Insane.

Hehe.
I skipped the washing, and proceeded to whitening the shoe straight away.
And it actually turns out white!
As if I just washed.

Now it looks like that.
REALLY!
Even whiter than after washing! :D
I confirm saw it shining lehh!

Haha and then right.
Mum Dad I

*whitening shoe happily*
Eh look, your daughter crazy one! You see what's she doing!
*peers inside washroom*
Eh dear, I did that too when I was young!
*silence* *hopeless sigh*
HAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHA

Last but not least,

OH HAIL AWZUMM SHOE WHITENER!

Attack of the Zombie Trainee Teachers

There's a batch of trainee teachers in school lately.
I think they're doing their Practical exam or something.

Not being mean, I know they're inexperienced but.
HELLO MY MIDTERMS ARE COMING!
IF THEY CONTINUE TEACHING,
MY MIDTERMS ARE SCREWED!

How =(

I understand that they're new and they don't know how to teach.
I actually pity them cause they get bullied alot.
Like in my class =___=

She punished JesCee by asking her to clap her hands for a minute.
For those of you who know Jess.
Obviously, she went and happily clap.
Made the teacher so pissed,
I confirm got smoke come out of her ear.

Yes, like that.

And HAHAHAHAHA Klothie's story.
Our trainee teacher misunderstood her.
Klothie was shaking her head,
because she was playing with Michelle.
And the teacher went and thought she didn't understand Math.
=____________= made her come out and do math.

Most humiliating incident yet?
Happened to Michelle and I.
In Chemistry yesterday, (another trainee)
I was braiding Michelle's hair =.= for the fun of it.
The teacher tried to put on a scary look,
and asked "what are you two doing?"
We stoned and stared at each other =______=
and everyone else was laughing.

Actually now, thinking of it, I have no idea what was so funny.

These teachers right.
They TRY to be scary, but fail.
Their wannabe scariness makes them seem funny and loser-ish.
Sad teachers.
I pray for them.

The Motion

Ever felt like you got punched in the guts repeatedly, til your lungs burst, bones break, ligaments torn, teeth came out, eyeballs popped out?



I'm not stopping.
Until I'm the best.
I will prove you wrong.

I'm sure my team thinks so too. (:

Covalent Bonds

So right.
I'm up again at 1.22am copying Chemistry notes.
Life is wonderful.

I just want to list a few things I want to do by the end of this year.
Okay here goes.

Carmen's List
1. Join a cooking class perhaps during the Nov/Dec holidays.

Basically, I just want to join this to prove to myself and my family members and well, basically everyone who looks down on me that I can cook. The worse part of this, is after going to the class and I still fail to cook up a mediocre dish. That would be downright humiliating. Good part of this though, I successfully learn to whip a few dishes out. And who knows? I might be some star chef some day!

2. Go on retail therapy due to depression

Yeah, believe it or not, no I've never been shopping just to cure sadnness. I want to see how it feels like. For example, spending big bucks on a few dresses and shoes after failing Chemistry, or blow dying my hair for no apparent reason just because I have a guy dilemma. That kind of thing you know!

3. Get a few strikes in bowling lah, c'mon!

Is it just me or my hand's natural curve lines won't balance out the aerodynamics of wind at an angle of 278 degrees with a magnitude of 136w/mph? =.= I made that up. Its just that I can't get strikes in bowling lah, and you know. The feeling of striking would be awsum!

4. Go diving in Sipadan

I have no idea how long I've been ranting about this.
I want to go to Sipadan!
I want to go diving in Sipadan!
I've been saying this for a year already at least.

5. Bake a cake for someone I care for.

And obviously the cake will taste nice.
I'm just putting my oven to good use here.

6. Meet a hot guy with either the name Sebastian or Nathaniel.

Just seeing how far this list can take me.
=.=

7. Balance my whole life out properly.

That includes church, school, family, activities and everything in between.

Yeap thats my list, for now.

Fearless

Hello!
Loads of things have been happening lately.
I feel somewhat depressed.

Midterms in a few weeks, and well.
Every typical teenager will tell you,
no I have not taken out my books yet.

Yeah, that's me.

Some editing here// You know right, when i say 'yeah, that's me' up there right. I wasn't referring myself to Taylor Swift in the picture below ok =.= apparently JiaLing thought I was saying that. NO! I perasan also put Jessica Alba or something lah ok, Taylor too skinny. I just put her there for fun, because I just heard her song and I thought it was quite nice. (:

Okay lah.
I shall try doing something productive today.
So enjoy a picture of Taylor Swift.
=____________=

So, Stop and Listen to MY Post.

Since you wanted it this way.

You took away your rights to beg.
I'm not doing this because I'm traumatised.
I'm far from it because I felt nothing.

I'm doing it because I'm alert now.
I see things clearly now.
I understand the consequences of not doing it.
I know I need to exercise my right.
I have to stand up for my own because if I don't,
no one will and you'll get your way.

And I wouldn't want to be blamed for that.

oh and :)
The Aliens got back their throne.

Charlie the Unicorn

If I can't have you, I don't want nobody, baby.
-BeeGees, or if you prefer, Adam Lambert.

Anyway, hopefully for now.
Everything will be less hectic.
There's nothing much for this week,
except for SportsDay.
Initially wanted to join marching too,
but turns out I'm human.
I have to learn to tone down, to be in the background.
Not to get involved in every single thing.
I have to patch up friendships, relationships, my whole life.
I've missed out, and now its time to find some things back.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't an emotional post.
Its a determined post.

Right, on to other things on my mind.

First watch this.




This.
Introduced by a friend.

And then along came KahJo.
Complaining about some cooking competition thing.
He named his dish Erotic Chicken
=_____________=
I don't blame him for not winning.
Sorry, Jo.

Fong Kah Jo CHS says:
but sumth similiar to erotic chicken 1
its lyk a combo set

! Carmendash- says:
die lah
i got nightmare d

Fong Kah Jo CHS says:
LOL!

! Carmendash- says:
after the chicken stand up and haunt me

Fong Kah Jo CHS says:
suddenly the chicken take 1 knife
den
carrrmeeeeennnn
carmeeeeeeeeeeeen
lets go to chicken moun'ain!

! Carmendash- says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

Fong Kah Jo CHS says:
my chicken arh!

And that is the end of Charlie the Unicorn, Kah Jo's erotic chicken and the start of all my nightmares. (:

Well, no nightmare yet. Chinese homework first.
Worse than nightmares.

What Can You Do With Imagination?

At 3.16am I am all out of inspiration,
and so I shall resort to googling quotes,
and putting it as my title.
Okay lets see what I found.

Oh lets choose a category (:
Imagination LOL okay.

Okay okay, this one so cool, you'll freeze man.
HEHE.

Imagination rules the world. -Napoleon Bonaparte
:D Chunted or what?

The man who has no imagination has no wings.
- Mohamad Ali

One last one.

You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.
Haha, Jack London rocks lah. Whoever that is. =.=

On a side note,
I don't want a big bungalow to live in when I grow up.
:) I just want a penthouse.

I don't want to talk about today,
so I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.
OH MY GOODNESS THAT LINE IS SO CLICHE.
Change!
My pictures will start blabbering (:

I O.O at the fact there are people who buy apples for an impractical price of three bucks.
Not that I'm unhappy they bought it! :D
I'm actually glad there are crazy people like that.

Well, humans and plants. (:

This is the minimum view I want from my future penthouse.
Or somewhere equivalent to this.
oh, cantik.

Earth Day! (:

Oh and lastly right, whoever can guess this location.
Gets a pack of instant noodles from me, FOR FREE :D
Okay ?
You have time starting from now until the next time I blog.
So, if you see me, tell me.

Goodnight.

The Yakuza Says It All.

Well, in Shinjuku Incident anyway.
I think its an awesome show.
Gory, but not too gory.
And the Yakuza totally rock.

Jackie Chan was so-so lah in the movie, like whatever lah.
But I like Daniel Wu. Sexy.
And I like the Yakuza. Yakuza Yakuza Yakuza.
Chun-ted.

Let me show you Daniel Wu in the movie.
Quite interesting, his style there.

There you go!
This was his post-trauma look.
I don't want to spoil anything for Pei, so yeap.
Enough about Shinjuku.

Again, the Yakuza rock!

Oh, and yesterday.
Young Enterprise Production Session.
Wasn't bad lah, I think I did my part.
Apples are fun!




Lousy pictures.
But what can you expect coming from a 2 megapixel phone?
Interact project to Old Folks' Home in the afternoon.
Had a genuinely fun time there, actually.
Surprisingly.

What are the odds for me this week?
For everything.
I wonder.

Like Gum , Sticky and Elastic.

I personally think,
30 years later when I look back,
Form 4 will definitely be the most memorable year.
When I say memorable, there's good and bad in it.
Whatever it is, I definitely will appreciate it.

Form Four isn't like the past few years.
Its less relaxing, more tense, fast paced (in fact so fast if you can't run, you'll get left behind).
Typical student life?
Behind the scenes, there's alot more to it.
(Okay I'll be straightforward cause I feel very the somehow passionate about this issue today, 12.28 am to be exact.)

There's alot of gossip first of all.
I'm not proud, but I admit I do indulge in gossiping along with friends.
Gossip, you don't know whether its the truth or not.
But when you gossip, you really find pleasure in doing so.
In fact, there are times you find it very hard to control.
Its like a drug actually.
It is bad, for the party being talked about.
To all the people who start to judge me right this instant,
you can think however you want.
But gossiping is an integral part of a girl's life.
In high school, there's no way you can escape it, however hard you try.
In fact, I've come to terms a long long time ago.
There WILL be people who gossip about me.
And I definitely WILL gossip about people.
Its not nice to be talked about in a bad way honestly, but its not under anyone's control.
Not to say I don't mind being gossiped about, I've just (hopefully) come to terms with it.

Next, activities.
Really tiring in fact.
This is where the term 'fast paced and tensed' comes in.
I have no idea since when I put myself in so many activities.
They just somehow land in front of your face and go, 'pick me up and start doing it'.
Suddenly, I have Debate, Ye, Librarian's Board, GFC and a few more all thrust in front of me.
In April there are 30 days, and out of these 30, I'm not in school for 11 days.
There's no time to breathe.
And 2nd terms are in May.
I am so amazing I amaze myself. (joke okay?)

Third, peer pressure.
I know everyone faces peer pressure.
And some people will start saying 'so what? I face it too =.='
But the thing is.
I have to live up to the expectations of my parents,
and at the same time maintain friendship with certain people I treasure.
I have some really well off friends, and I'm not slumdog poor, but in that aspect, I lose to most of my friends.
I have some genius friends, and although I don't consider myself below average, I still lose to most of my friends.
I have some extrovert friends, and I can talk to people, but I still lose out to alot of my friends.
I have sporty friends, I don't suck in sports, but I still lose to quite a number of friends.
Conclusion, I can say I'm just average, with a scary number of people ahead of me.

Fourthly, friends.
I'm not a social butterfly or anything, really.
In Form Four, I guess I know more people compared to the years before.
(Aiyah this is quite stupid. Where got people know lesser people while growing older? =.=)
Yes, I have normal hi-bye friends, good friends, and two closest girlfriends.
There's also crushes and boyfriends and matters of the opposite gender but thats not my focus now.
Today I want to talk about my two really closest friends.

Chenlynn.





If I lived for 16 years, then it might seem like I've known her for a relatively short time.
One quarter of my life. Four years, to be exact.
Honestly, I tell her alot of things.
Sometimes, I don't think she realises it though.
She's the type of friend I tell more emotional stuff to, the one I rant to.
She's one person for girls to admire. Tall, thin, pretty, smart.
We don't really agree on alot of things.
Starting from unimportant things such as taste in guys ie. Wang Leehom =.=
She's surprisingly not the hardworking type.
Sometimes I do think it's unfair because I think I work and study harder than her but she still ends up in better, if not around the same, conditions.
I also think she's very awesome. :D
After being friends with her for four years,
I can safely say she's random, high, and one heck of a friend.
Sometimes though, even if we both don't mention anything, there's a dissatisfied feeling about each other that I think both of us know but are just not willing to confront.
Its happening these days, probably over a few matters.
But thats really unimportant,
because I sincerely think at the end of the day,
we'll still be the best of friends. (:

Rachel.




She's the longest friend I've ever met.
11 years and still on.
I only became close to her in Form One but that doesn't matter.
She's the most carefree, outgoing, happy girl I think I will ever know my entire life.
If all you emo people want to envy someone, she's that someone.
She never gets upset over tiny matters and hardly gets angry over anyone for a long period of time.
In my 11 years of knowing her, unlike normal best friends, we have NEVER argued =.=
She has a life motto: live life to the fullest, because life's too short.
Thats why I can say she's my spontaneous partner.
We talk alot, about fashion to guys to food to school to our future to... everything.
We do alot of things in common. ie. joining the same clubs.
We even have a common goal for our future education (actually, more of she inspired me to go for it =.=)
I'm really glad I have such a friend who waits with me almost every evening for transport.
There's not much to describe her, because you have to know her your ownself.

I sincerely love my two close friends.
With this, refer to the post title.
Thats what I think friends are.

Goodnight, or rather, good morning. (2.33am)

Opinions are words, and words matter.

I still think its not a wise decision,
but its your choice, and yours only.
You made it, we witnessed it, whatever happens you deal with it.
Don't run away.
That's one piece of good advice, in my opinion.
Hence, blog title.

Back to things today.
Hmm, people who know me well will know I can be very spontaneous in certain situations.
If you gave me a parashoot to jump down from some cliff, I'd do it.
Yeah, so today Rachel and I had to go to Help.
It was Rachel's virgin LRT ride =______=

'eh got aircon one ar?' Rachel Gan.

:D

Landed in some, interesting part of Bangsar.
Kinda reminded me of the freaky Sentul walk from ICC last time.
Just not as bad.
Found a nice Chinese uncle working at Shell, asked him randomly.

'you dong xi chi mar zhe li?'

Is there anything to eat around here?

Well, he pointed in one direction and we followed. Soon after, we found a mamak stall. Got some foodies to eat, and drank some weird concoction of a drink.

Okay lah, I very the no oomph to go on explaining every single detail of my journey.

Basically, we tried to get on the T643 or was it T645? bus but failed. I don't know whats up with bus drivers who on all the lights inside the bus, the engine is definitely roaring, there's soot coming out from its rear ends, but the feller isn't in the bus. =____= confirm got problem.

We then hailed a cab to DamansaraH. My sense of direction also confirm got problem. I somehow asked the taxi to stop at the gigantic carpark, so us two weak, meek girls had to brace the harsh weather conditions (no lah, just a little rain, but I like to dramatise ar.) to get to the main campus. Finally got there all cold and shivery.

I have to say, Help is cool lor.
Looks like some high tech hospital.
Seems well facilitated.

Watched the debate.
Not too bad.
Got McD chocolate sundae.
Went home.

Chinese tuition.
Felt really lethargic then.
Until the teacher came up with some interesting optical illusion thing.
LOL

By the way, I love msn.

So, I'm Sailing.

Wooh!
Today was, productive =D
Better than yesterday for sure.

I'm really tired.
I've not been going to class for four days in a row.

I've been nothing but demanding lately to all my friends.
Sorry. Really, to all.

Haha. One more line before I end.
I've got soul, but I'm not a soldier LOL.

You Know It's The Worse April Fools ever...

... when there's no joke about anything.
Just plain, realistic, painful truth.

Nevermind, there's still tomorrow.
And if tomorrow doesn't work out,
Well, next April Fool's then.

:) Thank you I say.

Broken Straws

Hello people who actually read.
Hello to those who don't read this too.
I don't care if you don't read because I just want to express.

I've never been more busy in my life lor.
Starting from tomorrow... Correction. NOW actually.
I have debate practices tomorrow,
a school event on Saturday,
stupid Addmath tuition on Sunday,
2 Moral assignments due Monday,
a Chemistry folio due Tuesday,
photoshoot duty on Tuesday as well,
debate tournament on Wednesday,
YE meetings on Thursday,
Sukan Tara on Friday,
and lastly a secret agenda yet to be revealed on Friday too.

HOW ON EARTH CAN MY ONE WEEK BE PACKED?
I have no understanding for this current situation I'm in.
This seriously sukks to the maximum.

I Want To Ride....

MY BICYCLE! =D

Check out Bicycle Race by Queen.
Hahaha a song from the 80's I assume but awesome nevertheless.
Man, I like Freddie Mercury.



Oh oh, today right.
I have this sudden urge to change my blogskin.
Because a friend said its getting boring =.=
Yealah I take people's comments very seriously one lah.
But its so hard to find a nice blogskin nowadays. Like, seriously.

If it ain't the words being so juuper tiny,
it would be too jumbled up for my taste,
or just too simple it won't work out well.
I like quirky stuff you know,
not the ordinary. =D

Cause I'm a weird girl just like that =D
Or maybe I'm just really grateful today.
For everything.

Hmm, the days coming are bound to be interesting.
The coming weeks I mean.
Results, my life as a probationer, debates, auditions, events, Freddie Mercury.
There's definitely something.

Oh before I go right, I'm so sien I just have to blog.
I wanna name my top 10 most romantic songs a guy can sing to a girl ever.
MY top 10 ok, not anybody else's.
Don't scold me if half of the list is Jason Mraz. :)

Number 10: Hero by Enrique Iglesias.
Number 9: I'm Yours by the one and only Jason Mraz lah duh.
Number 8: I'll Be Waiting by Lenny Kravitz
Number 7: She's So High by Kurt Nielsen
Number 6: Fall For You by Secondhand Serenade
Number 5: The Man Who Can't Be Moved by The Script
Number 4: She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5
Number 3: Last Train Home by Ryan Star
Number 2: You and I Both by Jason Mraz. (: (: (:

Number 1: HAHA NOT JASON MRAZ. No one, NO ONE can beat this song. I don't like the song because of the singer or whatever. Its because of the lyrics. I don't care man, whoever I marry must sing this song to me first >< Its the most romantic, meaningful lyrics on earth.

*drum roll, thunder and whatever other lousy effects*

Everything by Michael Buble!

Best Romantic Song sung by a guy. Everrr.

Knuckles Hurt.

Additional Mathematics and Moral exams tomorrow but I somehow just don't have proper motivation to study.

Well, I did what I was told to study for Moral.
Or so I hope.
I just don't have the spirit to really, really memorize those values.
Sukkerzzz.

Did some addmath practice on Saturday and I hope it helps.
Not planning to do anymore because it sukks.

_____________________________________________________________________

Well now I'm feeling a little, high.
But I've no one to share this exhilarating feeling with.
How dull.

What floats on water? A DUCK =D

I hold a dark secret.
No one knows, but let me tell you.
I've been a pirate for 7 years and 3 months.
Throughout this 7 years and 3 months,
I have travelled across oceans and seas,
kidnapped rich tourists and extorting cash from them.

=D

Hmm. My day was interesting.
Believe it or not.
Pei brainwashed me.
And she didn't believe she did =.=

Read and die.

For that time of my life, I hated it.
I hated that thing in me.
I hated, everything.

I used to wake up every night, with perspiration on my forehead.
The beads of sweat wouldn't trickle down though.
They would lie still, not moving.
As if time had stopped.

In fact, now I know.
That night, time did not stop.
It was merely me, lying so still. Afraid.
Afraid of what was becoming of me.
How foolish, when I think about it now.

I know more things now. A lot more.
Though sometimes I still feel soulless, empty.
Lonely.

We were born that way.
We were not given any choice.
Some who tried to defy themselves, either lost control of themselves or lost the will to live.
Some who trapped themselves with the emotion called love, were sentenced to the Lair.
I know, because I've seen.

We did only one thing, one job.

And one more thing.
We were hidden.
Unknown.
In the shadows.