December 30, 2009

Goodbyeeeeeeeeee

I have a feeling this is going to be a long and very honest post, and only important posts are long and honest. I'm going to be talking about the year 2009.

Where exactly do I start? Out of the 16 years of my life, 2009 has not been the worst definitely, but it is nowhere near the best.

Maybe I say this because I put this year in comparison to last year, and last year was wonderful. Schooling takes up most of my life and because last year in school was so much fun, it therefore makes 2008 the one of the best years. I had the nicest, most amazing class ANYONE could ask for, really. I met the most dedicated teacher of my life. In 2008, I got 8a's for PMR. In this particular year, I was in love with a guy too. I was an innocent 15 year old (not that I'm not innocent anymore lah) learning everything possible the world has to offer. No doubt there were those mild emotional moments where I break down, but overall. I was happy and I loved life.


The starting of 2009 took a serious toll on me. I could not cope with my studies to be really honest. I hated my Science subjects and I started wondering maybe my brain's maximum capacity is only until education in Form3, and that's why I cannot absorb anything in Form 4. I honestly could not fit in nicely in my class, and I only talk to the girls around me. Even one of my closest friends in Form 3 got more and more distant, because I was no longer sitting near here and because of certain conflicts. I began to feel the strain and distance with my then boyfriend. I never got to see him much although we study in the same school because we're in different forms and we didn't publicly announce our relationship to the whole world. Life as a debater also did not get any better. I was struggling to up my game, the seniors were starting to question my ability (heck, even I was questioning myself), I got backstabbed by a teacher (whom I still dislike until today), and I suffered a really bad emotional breakdown I believe many CHS debaters still remember. I was not so happy anymore. sad


One thing I have to thank God for though, is giving me really good friends during hard times like these. I think they know who they are. New friends, old friends that came back, old friends that stuck through, all of them helped. I have my study dates with Rachel during exams, I talked about our relationships with Yu Li, I get cheered up by Ian alot, I have Chen Lynn's shoulder to cry on whenever I got upset and all my other friends, I know they will be there for me when I need them. I slowly caught back up with life, I was a little happier.


I'm not saying 2009 was a complete shit year.

On the bright side, I guess all the stress early in the year made me jog alot. ALOT. I just ran and trained for fun everyday, in hopes of getting #79 in the cross country event, but look where it got me. 6th, to be exact (:

During the mid term holidays, I went on a trip with 3 girlfriends to Singapore. It made me happier and more relaxed although examinations were around the corner.


My mid term examinations were alright, I felt more prepared to take on whatever that's being hurled towards me, and my results were not terrible. (Actually, I got the same placing for my first and second term and by now you must be thinking what kiasu piece of crap am I, but what I mean is, I felt really insecure, unprepared, and terrified during my first term)

I broke up soon after. If my ex boyfriend is reading this now, I guess I really owe you a very proper explanation. I broke up really because I didn't want a relationship anymore. I was tired and sad. To be honest, I think you and I felt very very distant. We do not talk like how we used to, we did not act like a couple. You had SPM and I had my life. I don't think we understood each other that much as we thought we did. I still liked you when I broke up with you, if that's what you want to know. I have maintained this statement from then until now. Ending a very long (longer than you think) relationship is not an easy thing to do, trust me. But I'm glad I ended it, no matter what you or anyone else thinks. Because a few months after that, I realise how naive I am to throw myself into relationships like that, devoting myself to someone when I haven't even experienced the world. In 2009, I vow never to get into a relationship until at least 18 or else cows will pee on me.

In August (I think) came KDUDA, one of the most important moments of my 16 years. Important, because this event was the one event that helped me regain confidence in debating. We trained day and night (ok lah, not night) and I mean, hardcore train for this debate competition. The training wasn't all that pleasant but the outcome was. Out of many many teams (ok I cannot remember), we broke third after the preliminary rounds. It was a JAW DROPPER for all of us.

blogger-emoticon.blogspot.com HAHAHAHAHA okay, back to serious mood.

Breaking third was like OMG GOD PARTED THE SEAS FOR US WEY. But during octo finals we got kicked out because we were not experts at world politics. Still, when they announced the break, it made one of the happiest moments of my life. My seniors eventually got 1st runner up (:

Look at Shaun, so delighted! surprised

There was nothing much until my final term examinations. I studied, and though it didn't feel enough for me, I guess it was enough as my results weren't disappointing. My parents, at the very least, are happy.

I hit Penang with a couple of good friends in the holidays. It was a blast for me, really. One of the best holidays I've had. I'm glad to say by the end of the year, all my misery at the starting of the year seemed pretty pointless already. I was, finally, happy again.


Today, I just want to tell my family and all my friends how much I appreciate and love them. I am a grateful, and once again happy girl.

In 2010, it will be my last year in high school. I solemnly vow to make it an amazing year, with all my amazing friends together, we will rule the world whatthecow -.- Because I have too much I haven't seen, I will go all out and I will get to see all these things I've missed or yet to see. If someone invites me to climb Mount Kinabalu, why not? If someone brings me skydiving, why not? If someone offers to treat me to a feast, why not? These are chances, opportunities, and I will go all out and accept them.

One thing though, in 2010 I will officially stop blogging. I have my reasons for this, and you can ask me if you want, but I'm not going to explain. All I'm going to say is, maybe another chapter somewhere? wink That is for me to know, and you to find out. Except for Pei She.


www.carmenchua.wordpress.com


Goodbye, offancylifestylesandchocolates.blogspot.com

Hello world. (:

6 comments:

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